The Red Rocks Of Tupiza

We had been in the heart of the central Andean plateau for some weeks, including spending many days in Uyuni at over 3700 meters above sea level. Nothing prepared us for the heart-stopping beauty and gut-wrenching fear of our next bus journey across the winding high mountain roads, to our next destination, Tupiza. At a more sensible altitude of around 3160 meters (still extremely hard to breathe and move around at the same time), the city was a small gathering of adobe and red clay houses nestled within the quebradas, or surrounding valleys. Bolivian driving standards being what they are, we were pleasantly surprised when we did not join the several vehicles we saw dotting the bottom of the colorful canyons – burnt out far below the road in some long ago terrible accident. Many Bolivians enjoy the new craze of drinking 96% proof alcohol from 50 cent plastic bottles available all over the country – and then they recklessly drive around – which no doubt contributes to the relatively low life expectancy of 69 (below that of both Mongolia and North Korea).

In fact, the first thing we saw when we left the bus station to look for a place to stay was a young Bolivian passed out on the road, with his head lolled over on the sidewalk, and his legs in the gutter. We asked a lady if he was dead, and she told us no, he was just drunk – confirmed when we saw him again in the same drunk position the next day, but in a different part of town.

Our place was basic, as was the town itself. With only one ATM, and some pretty dodgy restaurants, we still managed to find something cool to do. Tupiza Tours are a good tourist agency in Tupiza itself, and we signed up for their Triathlon Tour which other Western tourists also were signed up for, making it cheaper. The Triathlon is named for the three modes of transport which you take on the tour; your legs, for hiking through the Cañon del Duende (Elf Canyon), a horse, for riding to the Cañon del Inca, and lastly, a mountain bike, for a rapid descent down Tupiza’s very own Death Road, from El Sillar.

The tour company were very friendly, and they provided all the equipment and a Spanish-only guide for us (luckily everyone could speak Spanish). The guide drove professionally and well, and we enjoyed the tour and the company of the other people. Our first stop was to the North of the town, at a rock formation called La Poronga, which in this part of the world is slang for a penis! The red rocks of the sandstone all around the towns formed some really amazing shapes caused by wind and rain erosion. Our guide was telling us that the people on the outskirts of town grew lots of vegetables to earn a living, much as they had hundreds of years ago. The Tupiza River was the only source of water in the region, and was a green and lush strip through what was otherwise a thorny and arid landscape. This used to be a huge gold and silver mecca, but those minerals have all pretty much dried up now. This was supposedly the area where Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid robbed a payroll guard before making their last stand in a nearby town where they died.

Our next stop was the aforementioned trek through the Elf Canyon. It seemed to be named not after a mythical local creature, but for the fact that the canyon seemed to come straight out of a dream in which Elves might reside. A surreal valley, the canyon started at a natural rock gate which we walked through and then followed the dry riverbed for a few kilometers until we came to some narrow caves leading through the rock face. We were just talking about whether they had big cats there, when we saw a dried-up dead dog which someone had propped up as though it were some zombie Puma running at Francesca, making her scream out loud in shock! We almost died laughing.

We made our way back with the others to the jeep, past huge swarms of flies and wasps, following the horse tracks back to the entrance to the canyon. Our next stop was some awesome lunch the driver had bought with us. We ate the lunch next to a flowing part of the river, where we saw the evidence of the region’s regular flooding as it had partially covered the whole picnic area with a mudflow. The cloudburst rains they have around Tupiza just runs off of the impenetrable red rocks causing lots of flash floods. We used the chairs of the picnic area which were like kid’s chairs, because the mud had covered the bottom few feet making them really small!

The food was really tasty and filling. Sandwiches, fruit and snacks were all complementary to some pre-Hispanic food called Humitas. A corn husk is stuffed with llama meat and vegetables, boiled and then served in the husk itself which is wrapped up and tied. These were extremely delicious and very filling which was good, because we had a lot of physical activity planned for the afternoon.

First up was going to one of the stables on the edge of town and becoming acquainted with our horses. Mine was OK, but Francesca’s horse kept biting all the other horses. The guide left us in the capable hands of the horse trainers/guides, and they even told us that my horse was named Crazy or something – but they probably say that to everyone.

We took the horses for several kilometers out of town through the beautiful red canyons to the Inca Canyon, South West of Tupiza. We passed many rock formations such as La Puerta del Diablo (Devil’s Gate) and La Valle de los Machos (phallic rocks named after the macho men of the region). We uncomfortably galloped for some sections which I quickly learnt was exhausting for the uninitiated. So when we arrived at the Inca Canyon, we let the horses drink water, and we all relaxed and hung out. Francesca’s horse decided to pee in the water, but it did not bother the other horses who carried on drinking greedily. Gross.

We got back in the middle of the afternoon to the van, and we reluctantly parted with our cool horses. It was good to be away from their smells however. Next up? Mountain biking.

This time, we headed North, through and then again out of town. I did not realize it at first, but we quickly climbed up to over 4000 meters! We would be biking down the steep mountain roads with all the crazy Bolivian drivers, at over 4000 meters above sea level!

The views were amazing, with colorful rocks and strange formations all over the place. The flora was dense and thorny, but still green and very beautiful. The only animal we saw that day was a dead snake, which we examined thoroughly. Francesca decided biking was not for her, particularly because of the gravelly, slippery and uneven road we would be travelling down, but she is an awesome girlfriend, and took loads of pictures and videos of me from the safety of the car (with the guide, his wife and their kid).

It took over an hour to go down, and I took it pretty carefully at first to test out the bike’s capabilities, and to stay in shot for some pictures from Francesca. After a while though I began drifting out in front of the other bikers on the tour, and found myself pleasantly engaged with nature, spotting llamas and alpacas grazing by the side of the road. The views were breath-taking, and if we don’t bike down ‘Death Road’ near La Paz, this will certainly make up for it.

We got back to town after dark, and to my surprise everyone had kept up with me and the jeep. Exhausted, we all handed our equipment back in outside the tour agency, and dragged our asses off to bed. The next day I spent in bed, and Francesca took some nice pictures of the plaza. I would ache for the next three days, but it was a good kind of ache, and Tupiza’s beautiful scenery was a highlight of travelling through the beautifully varied country of Bolivia. The food was completely hit and miss though, with the Milan Centre Pizzeria, certainly being the best, and the Tupiza Pizzeria Ristorante being the worst. In fact, Francesca was very upset to find a wriggling caterpillar in her sandwich from there. This place is not to be confused with the well-named Tu Pizza, pizzeria, though. Hopefully the fare would be better in the next town. Located in the middle of Bolivia’s wine country, Francesca will tell you all about Tarija…